Recent events have given me a lot of food for thought. Are we supposed to be independent from one another? Or should we attach ourselves – even if just a little – to others? And if a little, how much is too much? Because what happens when this person suddenly disappears from your life. A lot can happen and any relationship is always in danger of being broken. It may be your partner. Your friend. Your parents. Your teacher. Your bus driver! I think we are evolutionarily wired to connect with people. To survive. To thrive. Some thousand years ago it was probably more about surviving. Today, it’s about thriving. We evolve together. Grow together. But how much should we grow together? How much is too much? Because who are you when a part of you disappears from your life all of the sudden! Where do you belong? What do you do? But then on the other hand side, how healthy is it to practice full detachment from everyone and anyone? Isn’t part of happiness when you are surrounded by people that you love! So it comes down to accepting the risk of losing a part of yourself in return for happiness, feelings of belonging and growing. But shouldn’t we grow as individuals more so than together? Shouldn’t we be able to thrive independently before we connect with others? Before we let others be part. So that if or when they leave, it doesn’t leave us completely lost? But then, even if you are fully you, independent you, when you are with someone you become partly them, they become partly you. It’s a natural adaptation process. Can we even hold back from attaching too much? Should we? What is it about all those teachings about detachment anyways! What’s a healthy level? Does anyone ever speak about this? I, personally, had been scared for a long time to detach myself from people. Because I thought it means I don’t care about them. Don’t love them. But then my teachers said otherwise. Detachment doesn’t mean not caring and loving. It means to remain an independent individual that does not rely on others for their own happiness. But I do feel happy when I’m with people that make me feel good. Like I belong. People that I care for and love. So what? Is this just a battle of different opinions or is there one universal truth? There never is, is there. It always comes down to the individual. So I guess it’s about finding your own personal degree of att-de-tachment. But that’s one hell of a task. And anyway, wouldn’t you rather just enjoy the moment of being with someone, than thinking about how much in percentage you want to attach? I guess it happens naturally. But I know for myself I can say that if I love someone, I’m attached. And I consider it a good attachment. An attachment that means commitment rather than dependence. An attachment that means loving rather than being obsessed. An attachment that leaves a lot of space for individual growth rather than losing my identity. An attachment that leaves you feeling sad, but never lost when it’s over. An attachment that will forever put a smile on your face, but never resentment.
That’s all. Sorry, bit messy.
Peanut En Route 